After a beautiful wedding, plan on having a great marriage. Here are five of the top tips.
Learn to Disagree
If you think you are all in agreement now and forever, I will have to respectfully disagree. The longer you are in a relationship under the same roof, under the same financial planning pressures, chartering the same future together through sometimes troubled waters, disagreements will come between you, unless you are both a couple of jellyfish. At some point, one of you will want to go left and the other will want to go right. At times, you will have to just agree to disagree, and at times, you will just have to go left when you’d rather, with all sorts of valid reasons, go right. Learning to disagree means being able to lay everything out that is important in your point of view, listening to the other side, and sometimes not getting what you want. After not getting what you want or what you see is right, you are still married and will still have to make other decisions together without playing tit for tat.
Let Go of Resentment
If you have to have things your way, or if you feel you are usually the one having to concede, after five and ten years, you’ll start to understand why celebrating anniversaries is so important. Anniversaries are accomplishments, because you’ve learned to disagree and let go of any resentment. You can’t go through life or marriage in a positive manner if you think and feel you’ve been wronged. Some people keep score, and if there is any better way to make a small argument into a bonfire, that would be it.
Boredom and Lack of Conversation Do Matter
Boredom sneaks up on you, especially after having children or after work gets intense for years. Life may not be boring, but your marriage life is. Conversation skills, if you had them, naturally decline when put up against stress and fatigue. The definition of child rearing is stress and fatigue at times. And if you share everything, you don’t have to talk about it. It is the economy of the relationship. You are together, you sync, and there are naturally less things to talk about, because you’ve heard it all before. Better yet, you’ve already lived it together.
So you better learn to ask interesting questions and have topics of interest you can explore together. If you like hiking and biking, finding that next trail is great together. If you like photography, finding new landscapes and subject matters are great. If you enjoy food, learning to cook new dishes and going out to new restaurants together are lovely. Learn how to discuss the foods like expert critics. Find something you can be fairly passionate about. It doesn’t take a mountain climbing expedition or passports. Your backyard might be a great place to start a culinary garden. Something worthy of time that you can investigate and share knowledge betwixt the two of you is all you need.
Caveat: In real life, there are disabled family members and small children that take an intense amount of care, so if your life has become all about caring for someone or something else, you may need to accept the defining thing in your marriage is the soul-draining care you give to someone else besides your spouse. And it may take the both of you. Not everyone can handle sleepless nights. Not everyone can handle emergency hospital visits. There can be times and situations when this can go on for years. As a partner in a marriage pact, both people have to be willing to acknowledge these times and let go of great expectations of fun and conversation. Sometimes in reality, these times are more defining of the love you share than the good times. Marriage can mean years of fatigue, strain, stress, and boredom. Fun facts of life. So it is all that more important to create a home both want to come home to.
Actively Create a Home Both Want to Come Home To
Find small things like laying out their mail or stocking the pantry with their favorite food. Find big things like replacing their worn out jeans with a new, identical pair. Sometimes the smaller the thing, like noticing your wife has lost her favorite hoop earring and gifting her a new pair, is a more poignant action than say cleaning out her car because you think it is dirty. One is all about her and superfluous. The other might be a little bit too much about you. For him, don’t try to remake him. Getting him the exact same jeans may be a better move than buying him a hip pair you like to see him try. Like I said, it’s about them, not you, so use discretion. Are they a person that values the practical or do they treasure superfluous?
Recognize Each Other’s Contributions and Accomplishments
It is easy to forget who keeps taking out the trash, but it is never hard to point out who said they would and did not, so if someone regrouts the tub or picks up the dog poo, these everyday actions are important.
Also, when someone is given an award at work or if they are able to finish their first 5k, make a deal out of it. This will come easy when it comes to your kids, but when it comes to spouses, sometimes we forget to cheer them on. Adults need nurturing, too. All relationships do.
– Virginia Bride Magazine features the best Virginia weddings and Virginia bridal shows. Find it all in one place. Check our blog posts regularly for the latest show information.